i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
nutella sex= disaster
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
