I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
