The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
