i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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