last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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