I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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