How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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