I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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