i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
