Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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