We won't sleep together?
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
