we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
