He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
