Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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