do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
