At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
