butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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