I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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