One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
