I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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