This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
