You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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