At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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