I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
