Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
