oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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