who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
