Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
