My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
