Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
