I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
