This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
