Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
