No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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