Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
