No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
