On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
