I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize