why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
