I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
