I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
