you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
His nipple licking is glorious
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