cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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