I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
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