Why are handjobs necessary in class?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Randomize
