Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
