Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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