Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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