how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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