I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
