I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
