she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
