OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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