i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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