woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
