her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
