He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
