i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Randomize
