I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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