The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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