My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
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