yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
