I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
