Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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