imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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