Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
