I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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