The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
