I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I love having hate sex.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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