forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
