omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
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FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
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I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
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