I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
