wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
