he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I touched a dick in church today
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
