Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
