So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
