i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
