I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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