Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
