I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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