I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
